confession..

Hey peepz, C:

So this is going to be a very very long, very honest, and somehow very emotional post.

I want to confess to my biggest love - the music.

I would like to tell you why I need music so incredibly much, and how my love for it is shown in my own appartment and in my life.

I know a lot of you guys might think that my taste in music is awkward or even fucked up. You can think that, I clearly have no problem with that, but what I want you to know is that there's SO MUCH emotion behind every genre of music I'm into, and every song I like. 

I'd like to share that with you, to share that thing that made me who I am right now. Music made me everything I am right now, it dragged me into so many different subcultures, made me love and even made me hate ones, but has never EVER left my side, and that's why I somehow became addicted to it.

I want to tell you about my past, about the subcultures I've been into, how I experienced them, and how I feel towards them now. 

Feel free to tell me your opinion about everything, but I don't want to share hate on my blog. If you don't like it - fine, but please do not argue with me about my own music taste, or my own experiences with different subcultures. I've been into them. I met those people. I lived that. Not you. So please respect that.

So I think I'll just start at the very beginning...

I think I was about 7 or 8 years old when I first started to become REALLY interested in music. I've been growing up with music my whole life, my father used to be an awesome dancer, and both my parents used to work as barchefs and bar managers, so they always had to do a lot with music and stuff. My father used to be a HUGE fan of Michael Jackson. So actually I grew up with MJ.  I still remember me and my dad dancing to "Scream" from Michael and Janet Jackson :''D was fun *cough*

So after being raised with Michael Jackson by my father, my siblings started to raise me with old school HipHop. I remember the first single I got was "Wu Tang Clan - Gravel Pit"

I stand up for good old school HipHop. If you think it whacks, you probably have never heard any good old school HipHop song EVER. I love it, because I grew up with it. I do speak english fluently, and to be honest I DO UNDERSTAND RAP-HIPHOP ENGLISH. I think that is pretty rare for someone from Austria, like me. And I'm proud about it.

I adored the Fugees (remember Killing me softly, and Ready or Not?), and I envy my mother SO much because she's already seen them live. I LOVE Lauryn Hill's voice. That woman is a goddess.

Someone I really adore as well is Snoop Dogg. But not that shitty stuff nowadays, I'm talking about the old Snoop Dogg, the Doggfather. 

that's what I'm talking about. Songs like "Still Dre" and "who am I? (what's my name?)" are fucking diamonds in my opinion.

Whacky shit as "Sweat" with FUCKING David Guetta is bullshit, and it makes my heart ache that he makes music like that nowadays. Seriously. 

Other things like Cypress Hill, Busta Rhymes and Missy Elliot blew my mind as well. (and still do so)

So that would be my HipHop phase, which started when I was just a little girl, and continues up until now. I have no intentions in hiding that. THIS IS FUCKING GOOD MUSIC, and I am proud to show that stuff to ya'll.

But as it's kinda normal I really went to the complete different direction when puberty hit me! :'D

I started to listen a lot to rock and stuff like Linkin Park and Korn, and I've MADLY fallen in love with HIM at that time of my life. I've been such a huge fan, collecting every single merchandise item they had to offer, and I still own every single, every album, every DVD  and I think I will NEVER be able to give those things away. HIM were my first concert (I watched them at the Helsinki Vampires tour with The Rasmus and Negative) and I will never forget that passionate love I experienced towards that band..

Here you have pictures of how I looked at that phase of my life :'D

shit, I was so gothy :'DDD hahaha.

As you can see I had the Heartagram nearly EVERYWHERE! xDDD

no worries, I did not get that tattoo done, but I always begged an old class member to draw that on my belly. She always was so very patient with me and did such a good job every single time xDD

Here you can see the door towards the living room in my apartment. This was the first poster I EVER bought for myself, and it must be about..7 years old by now. It went with me through a lot of shit and a lot of apartments, and I think I'll always find a place for it, no matter where I'll live, and no matter if I listen to that music or not. (Right now I haven't listened to HIM for 2 years ''D)

After that I met my first big love, Jan.

And I got into Black Metal.

Which..well..was..very very weird. Black Metal is such a heavy genre, with such heavy lyrics and heavy riffs. I really was obsessive with it from age 16-18. I lived it. I've been to so many concerts and festivals. I've seen Dornenreich, Satyricon (which were my fav band that time), Behemoth, Dimmu Borgir, Type O Negative, and a BUNCH of other metal, death metal, black metal and heavy metal bands in those two years. Starting from Mötley Crüe to Korn and 1349, Eisregen, In Extremo, Eluveitie, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tanzwut, Volbeat, Unheilig (I've seen the mothafuckin Graf when he obviously was on drugs and no little sunshine at Wacken 07 ''D), Letzte Instanz, Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult, and gosh so many other bands..I don't even remember all of 'em.

And that's how I looked at that phase of my life:

I'm the left one by the way ///D

Well those people were my family, I loved them to death and I would've done ANYTHING for every single one of them. Unfortunately life shows you the true side of people, and when me and Jan broke up after 1 1/2 years of being in a relationship, those people disappeared with him. *shrugs* It broke my heart at that time, but nowadays I'm very glad that I don't have anything to do with that people. (Excluding the girl on the picture above.)

Black Metal left me with a huge depression, and it took me about a year to get rid of it.

As I was really really into Anime when I was little I started to watch them again, and please don't ask me how, but I somehow became a fan of Jrock those days.

I started with Miyavi, just like a lot of other people I guess. He was my first Jrock concert ever, and that's were I met my now best friend Inu.

She and a friend of hers missed the train because her friend forgot the ticket at school, and I missed it because a douchebag couldn't keep his promise up. They stood next to me at the platform at the trainstation, and I just started to talk to them, because I would've never been able to find the concert hall all by myself. It was that day when I first met  Haru as well. Inu was being very very nice to me, and we stood next to each other the whole concert, and after it she handed me her ConHon and I wrote my number in it. A week after that she texted me, we started to meet up, and shortly after that we started to date.

that's the first picture that was ever made from the both of us. C:

I used to dye my hair turquoise at that part of my life and as you can see I've been madly in love with meevers '''D

me and Inu being attention whores xDD we still were together at that time, and I think this must be about 3 years old by now. I was 18 at that time, that's what I remember..

After Jan she was the only one I've fallen in love with ever again in such a passionate way. I think up to now there's no one I love more than her. I'm so thankful that she's in my life. As my love, as my sister, as my best friend.

So I somehow got dragged into the Visual Kei scene. 

I was MADLY MADLY MADLY in love with Girugämesh when I was about 19 years old

To be honest they're the only band I still listen to. THEY ARE FUCKING AMAZING.

I got a huge framed poster of 'em from Patrick to my birthday last year, and I still have it on my living room wall, as well as the pictures above my table at the bedroom.

 

Besides Giru I really really admired MUCC, -OZ-, lm.c, miyavi (of course), Gakuto, Dir en grey somehow (I've seen them live at Wacken 07 and they were..not that bad), Nega, lynch., exist trace, Mika Nakashima, Penicillin, Hakuei, Suicide Ali, Naitomea and Sadie. Those bands and musicians stole my heart. C':

so here is how I looked like the past 3 years:

so how did I come to leave the VK scene?

well long story short - I stopped listening to the music, and I still don't know the reasons for that. Why I quit meeting certain people? Because they fuck me up. I can't handle those bitchyness everywhere, and I never felt home in that scene. My home was my Black metal family, and they broke my heart, and I never trusted anyone ever again in a scene. Plus a lot of peeps started to become weird, and bitchtalking started and duuuuuuuude I've never been to a group like that before. Like a bunch of chicks on PMS. It was hell.

I left, and Inu followed me right after that. And we both are extremely happy with that. I'm not sure if it's like that in every country and city, but if it is..I'm really sorry for that whole thing. I had a lot of fun during the past 3 years, and I met a lot of amazing people I will never forget, but there are people who really can ruin everything for you. And I think that's sad, and it shouldn't be like that. But fairplay seems to be a foreign language to many people. Unfortunately. I'm the kind of girl that is either going to break your fucking face if you keep messing with me, or just leaves. Happily ever after I decided to just leave. Otherwise I'd probably be in prison for hitting stupid people in the face. I swear.

 After that I never got into a scene or subculture ever again. Because I didn't want to. It makes me feel uncomfortable nowadays to be packed up with a bunch of other people which you actually have nothing in common with. I don't like to look like 5 other girls/guys around me, just to be recognized as one of them. I like who and what I am, even though there's no word for what I am xD

 If it comes to my music taste nowadays there's one band that definitely needs to be mentioned:

30 Seconds to Mars

To be honest I never ever thought that there would be another band that could come close to my heart as HIM did once.

Well I was wrong.

Here they are, ruling my life. And I enjoy it. A lot.

If it comes to my 30STM experience I got a previous journal entry from last year for you: CLICK ME! :D

Everything those 3 guys do touches me so deeply. Every song, every video, just everything. I really don't have words for my affection for that band. I'm sorry..

Here you have my 30STM features at my apartment. That's a picture frame next to my bed:

Close to that is Madre Monster - Lady Gaga.

I think there is no woman on this whole planet I admire more than her. She's my biggest inspiration, and she touches me..so incedibly deep. Everytime she brings out a new video it surpasses my own imagination time after time, and somehow she manages to make videos exactly as I would've done them. 

There is seriously nothing I don't love about that woman. Nothing. I'm a very proud little monster! C':

I got a huge GaGa banner from Patrick, which is now on my wall at my bedroom:

After that I feel the need to show you guys a few german musicians I really adore:

Let's start with MARTERIA/MARSIMOTO:

He's a german Rapper, but I wouldn't consider his music as complete and straight HipHop..he's got so many features in his music, and I adore every single bit of it.

KraftKlub:

They're making german fun punk, and I really enjoy what they're doing. I already mentioned them here: 

CLICK ME! :D

Cro:

 

He's making german HipHop and man I dig it.

AND NOW TO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE:

My love for electronic music.

I really have no clue when this started, but right now I couldn't survive without it. Not at all.

My cousin has an electronic band called "Linkmen", so again I kinda got raised with that.

I adore Drum'n'Bass as fuck, and I think my friend Julia might be the reason for that.

She's the one I'm attending Urban Art Forms with. I mentioned that already here:

CLICK ME! :D

My most fav d'n'b artist are: Netsky, Camo & Krooked (they're austrians btw :DD), John B, Danny Byrd and maaaaaany more.

and now to the two EDM guys I love the most right now.

Deadmau5 & Skrillex.

I seriously don't know when that fucking thing started, but now I'm like going all crazy over them. I LOVE THEM. so fucking much.

these two have all of my heart right now. I really..I have so many feelings xDD I don't have a word for my affection towards their beings and their music. It fulfills me.

Why do I like electronic music?

Because it makes me feel alive. I usually tend to get emotionally curled up with music that has lyrics that would hit me in the face. Electronic music appearently doesn't have that many lyrics. So the only thing it does is making me feel happy and alive. And I'm very grateful for that. It's amazing what EDM does to my mind and to my phantasy. I've recently only listened to EDM while drawing and fuckdisshit it works perfectly.

Here the last 2 pictures for today. This is how I look nowadays, with all of you knowing about my music taste and what it means to me. C: 

THANKS to everyone who kept reading until now! Thank you so much! I loved sharing my past, my music and my feelings with you! Please feel free to talk to me about anything dealing with the above!

I love you guys!

so long,

Mina.